


don't check me out

by seashadows



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, Glasses, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:46:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28319193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seashadows/pseuds/seashadows
Summary: Nicky squeezed Joe’s hand. “Should I buy a jacket with elbow patches and hold office hours? Or are you another professor instead of my student?”“Not sure,” said Joe, and took Nicky’s hand between both of his warm ones. “You kind of look like a librarian, too. A hot librarian-assassin.”“A librarian who’s also an assassin?” Nicky said. “A bit much, don’t you think?” He’d masqueraded as a number of things before, but a librarian wasn’t one of them.(Nicky occasionally wears glasses that he doesn't need in order to seduce Joe, and it always works.)
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 214





	don't check me out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aros_Sage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aros_Sage/gifts).



> For Aros, as part of a Secret Santa. Happy holidays! :) 
> 
> Beta-read by transgoats/eris/Casey - thank you! And thank you for coming up with a lot of the dialogue that led to this story.
> 
> The title comes from the song "Young Adult Friction," which is about banging in a university library.

The glasses didn’t fit him very well. They rested too heavily on Nicky’s nose when he pushed them up all the way, and if he wasn’t careful, they had a tendency to slide down to the end of his nose and fall off. But then again, they hadn’t been adjusted for him, and he didn’t need them to be perfect. He wouldn’t be wearing them long anyway, provided this went as planned. 

All he needed from his glasses was for them to get the job done, and judging by Joe’s expression as he walked into the safehouse’s living room, they were doing it well. “Hello, Joe,” Nicky said, keeping his expression carefully neutral as he looked back down at the knitting in his lap. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Really?” Joe cleared his throat. “It, uh, it sure looks like you did.”

Nicky shrugged and pretended to concentrate on his next few stitches. “Why? Because I’m knitting? I’m sorry to disappoint, but this vest is going to be for Nile, not you.”

Joe came over and perched on the overstuffed arm of Nicky’s chair. Nicky could smell the citrus notes of the cologne he occasionally wore. “That’s so nice of you,” he said, “but it’s not the vest.”

“Oh, I see,” Nicky said, and suppressed a smile with difficulty. “You’re disappointed because I’m not reading the book you recommended. I told you, the poetry is beautiful, but it’s a little intense. I have to read it in bits.”

“Not that, either, and those poems are _not_ too much. The ones I wrote for you in the thirteenth century were way more intense, and you liked those.” Joe stroked his thumb down the back of Nicky’s neck, and a shiver ran down his spine. “It’s the glasses.” 

Nicky looked up at him. Joe didn’t blush bright pink like him and Booker – Andy, lucky her, never seemed to get embarrassed – but his cheeks could darken. They were dark now, and as Nicky watched, he flicked the very tip of his tongue across his upper lip. It was a losing battle against the heat in Nicky’s own cheeks. “The glasses, then,” Nicky said. “Now that I think about it…” He tapped his chin. “I seem to remember that you become… _amorous_ when I wear them. But I need them to see.”

Joe shifted in place. “I know those glasses are fake, Nico,” he said. “And yes, they turn me on a _lot_ and you know it. You look like a naughty professor when you wear them.”

“Do I?” Nicky squeezed Joe’s hand. “Should I buy a jacket with elbow patches and hold office hours? Or are you another professor instead of my student?”

“Not sure,” said Joe, and took Nicky’s hand between both of his warm ones. “You kind of look like a librarian, too. A hot librarian-assassin.”

“A librarian who’s also an assassin?” Nicky said. “A bit much, don’t you think?” He’d masqueraded as a number of things before, but a librarian wasn’t one of them.

Joe grinned. “Yes. Someone who knows a lot about the Dewey Decimal System, but could also murder me with a ballpoint pen.” He rubbed his hands in circles on Nicky’s. “An irresistible combination.”

Nicky had to cross his legs for a second then – not because there was anything appealing about the idea of killing someone with a ballpoint pen, but because of the growing hunger in Joe’s eyes. His yarn shifted as he moved. “Come here,” he said, setting his knitting aside and patting his lap. When Joe sat on his thighs, he leaned forward and mouthed at his ear. “These books were due back three weeks ago, Mr. al-Kaysani. You must pay your fines or face a ban.” He bit his lip to keep from laughing. 

He felt Joe’s breath shudder out in a lengthy exhale. It seemed, no matter how ridiculous this was, that Joe was enjoying their play. “Y-yeah?” Joe said after another breath. “But I don’t have any money. Do you take alternate forms of payment?”

Nicky put his hands on Joe’s waist and gently pulled him to sit facing him. Then he pressed his forehead against Joe’s and smiled. “No,” he said. “This isn’t porn. Go to the ATM.”

Joe huffed. “Can’t I just pay with my card here?”

“Our card reader is broken,” Nicky said, and bit down hard on the inside of his lower lip so he wouldn’t break down laughing. “Cash only.”

“Nicolò!” Joe exclaimed. Now Nicky couldn’t stop himself from outright giggling. “That’s not funny.”

“Shhhh…” Nicky put his hand on the back of Joe’s neck and kissed him, angling his head to avoid banging his glasses into Joe’s cheekbone. “Now that I think about it,” he said, “there’s a recent policy that allows kisses as payment. But only from a select few patrons.”

That got a smile out of Joe, one of Nicky’s favorite slow smiles. “And what’s the conversion rate from kisses to cash?” he asked. “Would you consider me among those select few patrons, _Mr. di Genova?_ ” He fluttered his eyelashes against Nicky’s cheek. It tickled, and Nicky squirmed in place. “And what kind of kisses are we talking? This? Or do you want kisses on the mouth, or…somewhere else?”

“We can negotiate that.” Nicky thrust his hips forward, trying to find Joe’s thigh or clothed cock to grind against. “Oh –“ Joe adjusted his position, one leg on each side of Nicolò’s lap so that he was straddling him. “Are you teasing me, Joe?”

Joe took Nicky’s face in his hands and kissed him hard. His beard scratched Nicky’s mouth and cheeks, and for the thousandth time, Nicky wished Joe could leave lingering beard burn on him. Not that he wanted to be smug, but it would have been nice to be able to wear Joe’s love as a badge of honor on his face. “You’re impossible to tease,” Joe said, breaking away to breathe, “because you _know_ we’ll eventually just ravish each other.”

Nicky put a hand on the back of Joe’s head and began to stroke his curls. “I like being ravished,” he said. “What would you like, Joe? I attracted you with these glasses, so it’s only fair your opinion matters more this time.”

Joe shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “You just look so appealing in those glasses. They make your mouth look just _perfect_.” He curled his hand in front of him, as if holding a pencil. “I wish I could draw it.”

“My mouth?” Nicky echoed. “I wouldn’t mind using my mouth on you.” His own mouth began to water. When was the last time he had blown Joe? It had to have been months.

“Oh,” said Joe. “ _Oh_.” He bit his lip, eyes widening. “And what do you want, Nico? Same thing? We could sixty-nine if you wanted. I showered today, so…” He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m very clean.”

Nicky ran his hands down Joe’s sides and held them there as Joe shivered. “I can never concentrate on you as much as I need to when we do that,” he objected. Drawing Joe closer, he put his mouth next to his ear and whispered in Joe’s mother tongue, “I’d rather have my mouth on your cock while you get so worked up that you start pulling my hair.”

Joe immediately hugged him hard. “Fuck, Nicky, you can’t say stuff like that when I’m already turned on,” he said into Nicky’s shoulder. “Do you _want_ me to just come while I’m in your lap?”

“No, _caro,_ I think I’d rather make you come while you’re sitting on a bed. Or a chair.” Nicky traced a circle on Joe’s back through his shirt. “How long did the others say they were going to be out?”

“Andy said ‘a while,’” Joe replied. “That could mean anything. They probably won’t be back any time soon, though. Why?” He bit the crook of Nicky’s neck. “Did you want to suck me off out here? You did say ‘chair.’”

Nicky was blindsided by the immediate rush of blood to his cock. He and Joe had had sex in chairs before, but not this chair. It was huge and imposing, upholstered in a style that made it look like a more comfortable version of a throne – he still had no idea where Andy had scrounged it up. The thought of dropping to his knees in front of it and giving Joe the best blowjob he’d had in a century had him hardening in his pants. “I don’t want to accidentally give Nile an eyeful if they all come back early,” he said regretfully. The others would probably display reactions ranging from the classic point-and-laugh to justified horror; he and Joe were immune to that by now, but the last thing he wanted was to scar their newest team member for however long her life might be.

“Oh. Good point.” Joe pouted, but he didn’t seem too upset. “Okay. Bed, then?”

“Bed,” Nicky agreed. There was only one bedroom in this safehouse, as was common among the safehouses in general, but it was still less likely that they would get walked in on there than in the living room. “I’d very much like to see you come undone there.”

“Fuck,” said Joe as he scrambled off Nicky’s lap. “You and your words. That’s not fair.” He crossed his arms. “Unless you want me to come in your mouth as soon as you start.”

Rather than follow his first impulse, which was to kiss Joe breathless and get to his knees that very moment, Nicky stood up, took Joe’s hand, and took him wordlessly to the bedroom. Only when he’d closed the door did he press Joe up against it and fulfill the first part of his fantasy. “Well?” he managed between kisses as he caught his breath. “Want to take your pants off for me?” He licked Joe’s lower lip. “Or how about quick and dirty, just pulled down to your ankles?”

Joe closed his eyes and moaned, tilting his head up. Nicky obliged him by attacking his neck with kisses and bites. “N-Nicky…God, your mouth.”

Nicky bit the hollow of his throat. “What about it? Do you mean what I’m doing right now, or the way I talk?”

“Second one,” Joe gasped. “Dirty talk. Keep talking?”

“Just a second,” Nicky said. Of the two of them, Joe was better with words – always had been. That poetry he’d written in the thirteenth century had made Nicky cry a few dozen times. Even thinking about the metaphors Joe had used to describe the shape of his hands always made the ghost of a lump rise in his throat. But living nearly a thousand years had stuffed Nicky’s head with words, too. “I love sucking your cock,” he finally said. “I love the way you tremble for me. Do you know that you squeeze your eyes shut right before you come?”

Joe’s cock hardened even more against Nicky’s thigh. “Not always,” he said shakily. “Sometimes they’re open.”

“And they’re beautiful. But I love the way your eyelashes look against your cheeks when you have your eyes closed with pleasure.” Nicky pressed his hand to the back of Joe’s neck to pull him in for a deep kiss. “I’m going to get on my knees in front of you and suck you off until you don’t know what day it is.”

“God have mercy…”

“ _Then,_ ” Nicky continued, “if you want, I’ll suck you until you’re oversensitive.”

Joe pulled away enough to throw a hand over his eyes. “Nicolò, you’re killing me,” he groaned. “That’s exactly what I want. Can we do it? Please? I feel like I’m about to explode.”

Nicky wasn’t doing much better himself. His cock was pressed so hard against his zipper that he thought the circulation might be cut off. “Yes,” he said. “Let me just…” He kissed Joe until they were both breathless. “Want to sit down?”

With a frantic nod, Joe extricated himself and – well, he didn’t so much sit as _drop_ himself on the double bed that he and Nicky always shared when they stayed in this safehouse. “You always make me want you so badly,” he said, yanking down his zipper and kicking his pants off. “How do you do it, Nicky?”

“You’ve been asking me that question for hundreds of years, and I never have a satisfactory answer,” Nicky told him. “How do _you_ do it?” He went to his knees next to the bed as Joe took off his underwear. “Centuries, and you’re still as beautiful as the day I met you,” he said, and kissed Joe’s knee. The day they’d met, they’d both been covered in blood and snarling at each other, but he thought it would be a good idea not to mention that. “Do you want to spread your legs for me?”

Joe did as he was asked, and Nicky shuffled forward until he was between his thighs. “Perfect.” He stroked the sensitive creases of Joe’s hips and watched as his cock twitched. “Look how red you are.”

“Because there’s no blood left in my head.” Joe ran the back of his hand across Nicky’s cheek. “You’re so hot like this.”

“With the stubble?”

“And the glasses.”

Nicky smiled. “Of course, the glasses. How could I forget?” He looked up at Joe with his most soulful expression. “I could keep them on if you’d like. Do you want to come on them?”

Joe’s breath hitched. “ _Ngh_ ,” he said, cleared his throat, and tried again. “Not this time.”

“Then I’ll just have to swallow,” said Nicky, relishing the noise Joe made in response. “It’s a _terrible_ imposition, but for you…” He licked the head of Joe’s cock. “For you, I’ll push through it. You taste good.”

“I told you I showered, right?”

“Yes. That would be why you taste good.” Nicky gave Joe’s cock a loving kiss. “I can’t wait to get you in my mouth.”

Joe whimpered. “Then do it,” he said. “Why are you stalling?”

“You’re the one who wanted dirty talk,” said Nicky, but sucked his cockhead into his mouth anyway, letting it rest on his tongue. He liked to tease Joe, but taking him apart was even better, and best of all was showing him how much he loved him.

He sucked Joe’s cockhead for a few minutes, teasing it with his tongue, then sucked him down all the way when the sounds Joe was making went from audible desperation to incoherent pleading. “Mmm,” he said, nudging Joe’s groin with the tip of his nose. It had taken long enough for him to be able to do this without gagging that he was still proud of his skills.

Joe fisted his hands in Nicky’s hair and gently tugged, sending tingles down Nicky’s spine. “Nicolò, _please_ ,” he said, moving fluidly into the Zeneize that Nicky had grown up with. “Please, my heart, suck me. I can’t take it.” His hips shook under Nicky’s hands. “I love you, I love you.”

Nicky squeezed his left hip. _I love you, too,_ he thought, and did his best to convey the sentiment with the movement of his throat. Joe’s salty-bitter taste spread down the back of his tongue with every sucking motion; he closed his eyes, savoring the evidence of Joe’s arousal.

One of Joe’s hands left his hair, and Joe touched his nose, pushing his glasses back up. “Sorry,” he said breathlessly. “They’re loose.”

Nicky nodded, then sucked him harder in thanks as Joe grabbed his hair again. His focus narrowed to the sound of his heartbeat in his ears and the feel of Joe’s against his lips, the smell and taste and sensation of Joe in his mouth. It took a lot of concentration to move with Joe’s hips so that he didn’t break his nose, but it was an effort he was glad to expend.

“Nicky…” Joe’s hands tightened in his hair, pulling until it hurt. “I have to – I’m gonna come, Nicolò, please let me!” His voice spilled out, quick and frantic, the words tumbling over each other. “Nicky, please!”

Nicky opened his eyes and focused on Joe’s face long enough to nod. He rubbed Joe’s thigh with his right hand, then hummed again, hoping that was enough for Joe to get the message.

Apparently it was. Joe shouted, hips stuttering, and came down Nicky’s throat. Nicky closed his eyes again and leaned into the sensation of Joe pulling his hair as he sucked him gently through his orgasm. True to his promise, he kept going until Joe’s moans turned into gasps and wiggles, a sure sign of oversensitivity. Only then did he pull off and wipe his mouth. “Yusuf?”

Joe pulled wordlessly at his arm. Nicky took the hint and sat on the bed next to Joe, at which point Joe kissed him so hard that Nicky’s glasses hit his face. “Sorry,” Nicky said when Joe pulled back, hissing and rubbing at his cheek. “If you’d given me some warning…”

“Worth it.” Joe gave the bridge of Nicky’s nose a butterfly kiss. “You taste like me,” he said, sounding happy beyond belief. “I love it.”

Nicky smiled. “I’ve tasted like you for hundreds of years,” he answered. “Will you ever stop being surprised?” 

“Nope.” Joe looked down at Nicky’s lap, reached down, and pulled Nicky’s foreskin back with two fingertips. Nicky’s breath whooshed out of him. “Oh, you _like_ that. I think it’s my turn to use my mouth on you.”

“Are you sure you’re up for it?”

Joe slid off the bed and knelt in front of Nicky, his eyes twinkling up at him. “You’re _up_ for it,” he said, “and that means I am, too. Hey, don’t make that noise at me!”

“You deserve it. That’s a terrible pun – _oh,_ Joe.” Nicky dug his fingers into the edge of the bed as Joe nuzzled his face against his cock. He squirmed at the contrast between lips, cheek, and beard. “Yes.”

“You’re so hard,” Joe said in the same awed tone he’d been using since the twelfth century. “It’s all for me, isn’t it, Nicolò?” He didn’t wait for Nicky to answer before opening his mouth and sucking Nicky’s cock halfway down. “Mm?”

Nicky squeezed the bed harder and tried not to hyperventilate himself into an embarrassing death as Joe sucked his cock in earnest. Joe’s beard scratched the base of his cock when he swallowed Nicky down to the base, adding another layer of sensation. “Can’t…won’t last long.”

Joe pulled off and licked his lips. “That’s the idea,” he said. “Come as soon as you want, Nicolò. I just want to make you feel amazing.”

If Joe hadn’t started sucking him again, Nicky would have made some comment about how sappy he was. As it was, he couldn’t really say or think anything at all.

He wanted to last, and if he hadn’t just worked himself up by blowing Joe, he probably would have. But within what felt like seconds, he went rigid all over and came into Joe’s mouth, feeling Joe rub his thighs and hum happily around him.

“Holy God,” he said when his heart stopped pounding in his ears. “I think you sucked out my soul.”

Joe snorted a laugh and got back on the bed. “Like you didn’t suck out mine?”

“Mm-hm.” Nicky grabbed him and tried to bury his face in Joe’s sweaty neck. “Ow, hold on…glasses.” He pulled them off, then dove back in with more success. “Well? Did you enjoy yourself, Joe?”

“There would be something wrong with me if I didn’t,” Joe said. “So what do you want now, Nico? Sleep? Food?”

Nicky kissed his neck. “A snack, I think,” he said, “and then more knitting.”

“Without the glasses this time?”

Nicky considered that for a moment. “No, I think I’ll keep them on,” he said. “I’ll pretend that I actually have poor eyesight when everyone comes back. Maybe Nile will believe it.”

“You know, for someone who doesn’t actually need glasses,” said Joe, “you’ve found some great uses for them.”

“The upside of immortality,” Nicky replied with a shrug, and pulled Joe closer. His next steps could wait until he’d finished hugging Joe to his heart’s content. “The possibilities never end.”

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on Tumblr as godihatethisfreakingcat.


End file.
